“Love is no poker game”
I recently interviewed Korine Hazan; author of a book called “Stop Love is no poker game”. This book sums up different life stories, antidotes about love and relationships, each chapter ending with a synopsis.
It’s meant to be read fast without necessarily having to follow the sequencing as each story will resonate differently to each reader. I related to parts of it and I bet so will you!
Cheryl: “This book is based on your life experiences, things that have happened, things that you have witnessed happening in relationships and wanted to give people little bites that they could savor and learn from and move forward with…”
Korine: “We all find our self somewhere in the book…try to have some kind of an awakening…why we are that way? What could we do? How could we have better relationships? It’s the base…that’s where everything starts…”
Cheryl: “People think because somebody loves them, we should love them back…we could say certain things that can make the connection better, if we know what we want in relationships, if we know our standards, if we know our boundaries and we put it out there for the other person, to allow them the opportunity to respond to our needs…”
Communication is the most important element in building the foundation for a successful relationship. You have to ask questions and avoid making assumptions. You have to know your lifestyle, values and goals and be able to communicate with the person that you’re with or getting to know. The way we express ourselves, our needs to the other person makes a huge difference in the quality of our connection, allowing space for a more balanced true and deepened love for one another.
Cheryl: “In the coaching world, one of the things that I stand behind…there are three elements to our behavior, in regards to somebody else and that’s rejection, acceptance and tolerance…you can reject what the other person is doing…meaning that doesn’t work for me…you can also accept certain things that are not going to be the way you want but you accept that because you love the person… but tolerance, when you tolerate something it’s the beginning of the end…and that’s being silent that’s thinking things and not putting it out there to either accept or reject…”
Korine: “We don’t say, we don’t speak…he loves us ok well maybe I should love him back…we are all responsible for the outcome of our action or non action…”
One of the most important relationships is the one we have with ourselves. We have to love our self first, own and accept who we are as individuals and know what we need (not want) before getting into a relationship. The result of discovering true self is that all relationships whether community, friends, family, work or with your beloved will be happier and healthier and for the long term.
Korinne: “Why do we have to apologize for who we are, what we need, what we want…it’s not fair to ourselves or to the other person to keep quiet…You are allowed to be who you are and that’s honoring yourself but honoring the other person at the same time…”
Cheryl: “Nobody can know what you want unless you tell them what you want…”
Love and relationships are not black and white, perfect lives and people don’t exist. We are ALL different beings and in charge of our own life and happiness. You can create a happy life based on positive influences and the people that you choose to surround yourself with. Life can be challenging so it all comes straight down to your attitude and your mindset.
Cheryl: “We can teach that intention to ourselves…lot of people say Cheryl, you always seem happy… no I’m always positive… everybody has bad days, everybody has hard issues…”
Korine: “I know a young man that has had a life that he planned because somebody taught him to have that intention…”
Cheryl: “We didn’t grow up with all these dating apps and social media… it’s proven to be a huge challenge…”
Technology has changed our lives and relationship world in major ways. With social media, there’s that pressure for people to think or feel that life has to be great, that things have to look beautiful and that other people’s lives are happier than ours.
We all know that’s NON SENSE! Life is NOT blue sunny skies each day. What we see is often that “picture perfect life” that we crave at times. So if you’re not feeling your best each day, don’t worry we all have crappy days, months and all that matters is your attitude in dealing with YOUR life the best way that you can. Don’t get side tracked by what you see on social media. Focus on your own path and keep investing in yourself and in those that invest in you.
Cheryl: “Do you think that times have changed since your mom was your age, when it comes to an actual part of a relationship?”
Mikayla: “Definitely because social media is a big factor in people’s lives in my generation…meeting people my age it’s through Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat…”
Cheryl: “The way you’re meeting people is different, but also the way you’re communicating is different that is what is stopping a lot of younger people from finding a relationship…because you don’t know how to communicate with each other…”
Mikayla: “I was in a relationship, we were together for 2 and half years…I knew what I wanted ….I’m more of a person that wants something serious …the guys in my generation are not ready for long term things, I don’t wanna waste my time, so I’d rather work on myself and focus on loving myself, I don’t wanna depend on a guy…”
People want to be in love; that hasn’t changed but times have changed and technology has made things challenging as we live in a fast paced “dating world” with all the online apps at our finger tips.
Everything is a click away. Communication is tough through online exchanges and texting. It’s so easy to misunderstand and most people don’t know how to communicate anymore. That’s one of the biggest road blocks nowadays. How do you get your point across? How do you go about dating successfully in today’s modern world when looking for a serious relationship?
Cheryl: “Do you wish you could turn back the clock? Be dating now and the way technology is now and all the things that influence our dating world?”
Korine: “I would position myself differently …the way it was when I was a young woman is very different to the way it is today for young women…same thing for men…they have access to things that we didn’t…”
Cheryl: “Would you sometimes wish you wouldn’t have all the technology at your fingertips?
Mikayla: “I think it makes things easier…Meeting people…it allows us to feel connected but we’re really disconnected because when we’re together, we’re all on our phones…”
Dating behaviors differ drastically between the ages and generations. Younger singles are more prone to friend their date on Facebook, Instagram or any social media platform they’re on. They communicate by text after a date and are more evasive about their availability if they’re not interested in a second date. The more mature singles are more cautious when it comes to dating in the digital era and reserved on how much they put out there.
No matter what, we all have to adjust to these changes and the most important thing to learn and master is how to communicate and nurture our relationships.
If you’re already in a relationship, continue “dating” your partner forever to keep things fresh in every aspect to continue growing together. If you’re single, make sure you know your worth, your lifestyle, values and goals before getting involved. Make a small list of the top three most important standards/boundaries that you can’t compromise on. Put your best self out there, be positive and go out there and enjoy life which includes making dating fun, not a chore! Take risks and keep your mind and heart open.
If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you “up to date”.