“How two become ONE without losing oneself”
We all want to love and be loved and yet for some, that concept also stirs up the fear of being vulnerable and opening our hearts, exposing our needs and feelings to someone. This is especially true when we have little scars that associate relationships with unpleasant experiences or memories from the past.
I believe there is no such thing as a failed relationship, rather that each connection can be a lesson into who we are and what we need in life. What everyone needs is to be ONE before TWO and that’s when a healthy partnership can be created.
A healthy relationship is supposed to add value to your life and make you grow as an individual. Being with someone should never change who you are as a person, so toss fear aside and always RISE up to LOVE!
Cheryl: “We don’t have to give up anything about ourselves to be in a relationship, we have to own ourselves, we have to know our value, we have to learn from our history and bring that forward and that’s what a good relationship will have within it.”
In the beginning when getting to know someone, many people tend to let go of things they normally do such as: hanging out with friends, seeing family, going to the gym etc. But at some point you find that balance between life and love as you want to continue doing the things that you enjoy in your life. Remember that your partner was attracted to who you are before they came along so never lose that!!
Chantal: “When you meet somebody, you have to remember what he fell in love with…if you were wild, high spirited, sexy…you were out there and that’s what he fell in love with, who you were, then why should you change that about yourself? At the end of the day, you need to be with a secure person to be able to be that person…so you have to chose the right guy from the beginning…because if you make all the compromise at the beginning, you really already lost yourself from the beginning and you never really found the right person.”
When you meet someone that you like and want to get to know better, it’s normal to want to please that person. Compromise is important in a relationship; however you should never make the mistake of giving up your individuality. Compromise on issues but NEVER on your VALUES!
Cheryl: “I do think it’s a little easier on a certain level when we’re more mature…because we do own ourselves more, we understand ourselves more, we have all this experience that life has given us and a lot of us have had relationships that have molded us…”
Some are lucky to have met their soul mate and living the “forever after”. Others need a little more practice at getting it right the second time around. Relationships are not always easy but maturity, a positive attitude, communication and mindfulness are all ingredients for success. It’s never too late to find love as I believe every heart deserve a home.
Tatiana: “For us, its two individuals who said we’re gonna do this again. We have the unfair advantage the second time around…I mean come on if you’re gonna screw that up too… we try to learn from the mistakes we made the first time around and you try not to repeat that…”
David: “I was in a relationship before, I made a lot of mistakes, lot of those mistakes were made because I wasn’t happy, and on the second time around I’m in a different place, it took me a little while to get here… I’m very happy to do it, I’m not going anywhere and we’re happy.”
Yohann: “The friendship thing, treating the one you love like you would treat your best friend…people…they expect something that they would never expect from friends …you wouldn’t wanna hurt your best friend…”
You won’t lose yourself by making concessions here and there or letting go of certain habits to please your partner, but you shouldn’t have to change who you are as a person to be with someone. At the core, you should be loved and accepted just the way you are.
Tatiana: “It’s ok to please your husband and to make him feel good and it’s vice versa, he has to do the same for you…”
Chantal: “I always love telling my husband I love doing everything for him because he loves doing everything for me to a fault, and that to me is what a relationship is all about.”
Johann: “We have been together for 21 years, balance is a personal thing …”
Losing your identity often starts slowly as you are trying to please the other person. But are you doing it at the expense of your own personal goals, passions and values? All of a sudden you wake up one day and don’t recognize the person in the mirror. That’s a dangerous path to fall into as it leads to resenting the other person, feeling bitter in the relationship and eventually splitting or living a loveless, unhealthy relationship.
Chantal: “The compromising that makes you unhappy is not the compromise that’s gonna keep you in a relationship.”
Would you change for your partner? Will that change improve your relationship? Learning something new can always be great like learning a new activity, trying different foods, having someone to travel with; it’s actually nice to have that exchange and in return you may also introduce new things to your partner that you enjoy doing in life.
Cheryl: “I want to inspire people and bring people to a new realization that we don’t have to give up anything about ourselves to be in a relationship.”
Never lose yourself just because you are sharing your life with someone. Being in a healthy relationship should bring out sides of your personality, add value to your identity and even introduce you to things that make you grow as a person. Communicating within relationships most certainly makes for better ones.
Remember the best thing is to be yourself and expect your partner to love you for who you are and be prepared to love them back. I always believe that if you love your life, your love life will happen!
If you need any dating advice or my support in your love life, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you on your toes and “up to date”. Follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner.